... Reasoning

I can bring myself back to when the vision of loving him became more clear. I can remember the sight with clarity - the dynamic of love beginning between us. It was exciting for me to learn who he was and exploring how we mesh. The fascinating memory I have with this particular relationship is that there was no "honeymoon stage". We were very respective of one another to say for the most part. We maintained a great amount of psychological space that was required to continue the freedom in each of our lives. We were able to explore our own worlds with enough space from one another and having the assurance that the other was just close enough as a resource for those times of stress. 

We had security, we had fun. We created many memories and firsts that could never be duplicated.

I finally felt part of something that was larger than just me in this life.

I have to say that I'm pretty selfish in this life of mine. However, with him, I had this strange tendency to adapt to the requirements needed of me to be part of such a growing relationship. It all seemed so easy. So simple, pure and... Perfect, if I must say. 

I can't say that he MADE me happy. Although, I CAN say that being so connected to him allowed me to also connect better with all the positive feelings within me a whole lot more than before him. Being with him allowed me to have a better connection with my inner strength and as a result allowed me to have a comfortable focus in life with a sense of belonging. There aren't many people in this world that I could say I'm comfortable to be around and comfortable having on my mind from the moment I wake up in the morning. He was it. He made everything better. 

Not everything was all peaches and cream. We had our bouts of struggles - as anticipated, I'm sure. Through our own personal struggles as well as the ones between us, we certainly weren't surprised that we were comfortable in each others arms again with the embrace that was never lost to begin with. We would be half way to giving up... Then didn't. 

It's foolish to go through struggles and not take a step back or walk away with the intent to gain composure. As many times as we "walked away", the result was acknowledgement of where the other person came from to begin with. Although in the moment it can tear us up inside, we fixed it. And we fixed with with the strength from us both. It always took the initiation from one or both sides.

Locating that happiness within yourself is important when you're with someone is definitely crucial for long term success. It's essential for BOTH partners to gain that happiness which requires BOTH individuals to apply the effort... 100% on each side. 

And I know that this process requires communication, honesty and having support from one another. The remaining factors that are essential in a relationship shall follow. 

We both have done wrong and there are two ways we can go with it... We can grow what was beautiful to begin with by showing compassion to each others flaws. As we all suffer when it comes to things ventured and not gained or pain inflicted by someone... we always have to be the first to recognize these things with the one we love. We have to support all the way to overcome the feeling of pain or suffering. And overcoming any pain or suffering is a happy and positive outcome in my personal opinion. 

Being honest is respectful with the other person although any consequences may surface, at least honesty leads to the truth. Forgiveness may not come immediately. 

I would much rather continue this journey created by us with him rather than without him. We have had many ups and downs and to this very day we have seen our "blind spots". There is so much learning that never stops. 

We have become more strong in our communication with one another and have fallen to being vaulerable to each other.  We have come to the point of understanding what could make or break us. We have the acknowledgement of each others scars and are aware of the triggers that bring us to hurtful feelings. To me, this is the point where we continue this adventure together with what we have learned about one another and be happy together. 

This is another chapter in our lives and I'm not ready to put this book down just yet.

As I have said, Any relationship takes 2 to apply 100%... EACH. This is one man I am ready and willing to apply that 100% and continue until I have to be even more patient. 

I see his face and I adore the smile that lights up the room I'm in. His eyes are such a window to a never ending adventure I'm learning about him... They are beautiful! The warmth of his body transfers so much energy to mine and I melt when I feel his touch. His voice is a magical sound I look very much forward to hearing when he speaks. 

He laughs at my stupid jokes and places me on a pedestal when I do right. He looks at me and tells me how beautiful me eyes are... He is so genuine when he says this like it's the pot of gold he has captured at the end of a rainbow... I have never had someone locate the true beauty in me as he has. 

I believe the beginning or continuation of our relationship requires both of us to be transparent with ourselves and to one another. I have put my intentions on the table and shall continue to do so. I shall be patiently waiting for him to open up and be responsive. 

I do believe that when you have something beautiful, hold onto it and treat it with respect. Nurture it because if you don't, it will become someone else's treasure. 

-Thank you for reading my thoughts.