Thank you for giving me strength

He may call me any name in the book he wishes to. Little does he know, through the ups and downs, through the lack of composure, through the multiple times he has turned his back on me - it was him that has given me the strength to let go.

As I thought we would have our final contact last week, I was ready to release. With discomfort, may I add. But in my heart I knew I needed to prepare myself for such a battle.

My heart grew weak and I surrendered to the power he had over me. Being his friend is not a regret. Not at all. In fact, I am fully intrigued with the power of his mind. But see, over time, I have learned his ways and how he copes - or lack of coping. I have learned how he lives for the past instead of gaining insight on the future. I have learned how he intentionally sinks into this hole of doubt and tries desperately to drag me down with him.

I thought I was the emotional one. When indeed, he lacks composure to maintain the "chin up" attitude about life to carry on without regret.

With his very lack of maintenance it has allowed me to seek further than where we stood today. His emotions crashed yet again this morning and this time I have refused to be part of it. I shall not let someone who cuts me down every second day dictate how I'm feeling or dictate the state of who I am.

I love who I am today and this has brought me to great heights to achieve many things awaiting for me in the near future.

I have a new job beginning at the end of this week. I will have a secured income with many people I come in contact with on a daily basis in which will disctract me from his neglegence.

I have found my place in this life - without him.

As he is waiting to hear back from a job interview to be transferred to Victoria, he said something to me the other day - "Why can't I just get away from you"? As if I'm an addicting drug or something.

As he was always so wrapped up in his own life, I have done my studies through this relationship to learn that I was simply a convenience for him. He didn't ever really want me fully as he was never in our relationship willing to give all that he has to give. This gives me much pleasure in knowing that he is not the one for me in any way. All of my new experiences with him have taught me that there is someone special out there just waiting for the special in me to give in return.

-Thank you for reading my thoughts.